Here’s part one of the next story for Fiction Month, written entirely in dialogue. I’ll welcome comments as to whether it works or not!
“Erica, is it?”
“Yes; Hello and you must be Roger.”
“That’s me! Roger the Dodger! Not really-just my bit of fun. What can I get you, Erica? Glass of champagne? You do like champagne, I hope?”
“Just a small glass of white, please. I do drink champagne but only on special occasions. Pinot Grigio is fine.”
“So what are you saying? This is not a special occasion, is that it?”
“Oh no, of course I didn’t mean…”
“Don’t worry love. I’m not offended. I’m only having a laugh. A glass of your best Pinot for the lady, my man, and I’ll have a single malt, no ice.
Did you find this place alright, Erica? Didn’t get lost?”
“No. I am familiar with the area. I have one or two friends who live around Fratton. That’s not far, is it?”
“No, but this side of the golf course is better; nicer properties. You can see my place from the first fairway. Did you notice my motor on your way in? Remember I said on the phone, look out for the Merc with the special plate-did you see it?”
“Yes. ‘RU55BIT’. Was that it?”
“That’s the one. Do you get it? RU-that’s me, Roger Urquart, then the 55-that’s meant to be two Fs. That spells RUFF. Then there is BIT. It says ‘Rough Bit’. It’s rather droll, don’t you think?
Well, Erica, what sort of things do you get up to? What ‘floats your boat’ as they say?”
“All the usual things, I suppose. I like to read, go to the theatre, see friends. I go for an occasional meal, go to the gym; but work takes up a lot of my time.”
“No special hobbies then? How’s the wine? OK?
Tell you what; I bet you’d like a spin in my little kite, wouldn’t you? It’s a thing that’s dear to my heart. She’s a Piper Cherokee, a little cracker! I don’t mean she’s got cracks in! I’m only joking! She flies like a dream. I take her over to Le Touquet some weekends. Do you like France? I can go over there for lunch and be back home for dinner. Do you like the sound of that?”
“Oh it is. It always goes down very well with the ladies. I don’t mean ‘goes down’ as in crashes! I’m jesting! You’ll soon get to know me. I’m a laugh-a-minute bloke.
Did you say you were divorced?”
“Yes, three years ago, but it is all quite amicable now and the children spend plenty of time with their father.”
Yes, I think it works. It’s sort of like a script for a play. I get a good idea of Roger – a full of himself guy. He doesn’t let Erica get a word in.
In the line: “I am familiar with the area. I have one or two friends who live around Fratton. That’s not far, is it?” I didn’t get this, as to why she’d ask if it wasn’t far?
Also, I think that Erica is being too nice. And this is where maybe you might go off the dialogue and show her body language.Example: twisting her pearl necklace, shifting in her seat, taking a sip of wine. You might also want to have her start to answer his questions but he cuts her off. Example: Then there is BIT. It says ‘Rough Bit’. It’s rather droll, don’t you think? She could start saying something like: That’s pretty unus…
Just my thoughts. But I find it interesting and am looking forward to reading part 2.